Fictional local satire. Inspired by the hail and thunder experienced around Durban’s Upper Highway on 27 October 2026. The conspiracy, investigators and monkey committee below are entirely made up. We hope everyone is safe and drying out.
There are two ways to respond when the sky starts throwing ice at your house. You can check the weather, move away from the windows and wait it out. Or, once you’re safely inside, you can launch a wildly unqualified investigation into the vervet monkey sitting opposite your gutter.
At The Wood Joint, we have chosen the second option for this completely fictional case file. Welcome to Operation Upper Hailway.
The Valley of a Thousand Cooling Towers
Our imaginary investigation begins beneath the Valley of a Thousand Hills, where a secret weather machine has allegedly been installed by a committee with unlimited ambition and one very questionable extension lead.
Why a thousand hills? Because 999 conceal the equipment. The last one houses the committee member who keeps saying, “Just turn it up a little.”
The thunder was the machine starting. The lightning was an electrical connection somebody had described as “definitely waterproof”. The hailstones were frozen tracking devices, designed with an ingenious security feature: the evidence melts.
Try taking a sample to the police tomorrow. You’ll arrive with a Tupperware of water and a credibility problem.
The monkeys have been doing site assessments
Think about it. Always on the roof. Always around the gutters. Always studying your outdoor furniture with the expression of somebody preparing a quote.
We assumed they wanted bananas. They were checking measurements.
In our fictional reconstruction, the senior inspector wears a hard hat, carries a clipboard and has already written “client wants this finished before December” in three different places.
His assistant is in charge of quality control. This consists of sitting on the balustrade, shaking his head and refusing to explain why.
The neighbourhood WhatsApp department
Every elaborate operation needs communications. Ours has a neighbourhood group where the imaginary updates arrive in perfect order: “Hail here.” “Here too.” “Anyone else hearing thunder?” And, inevitably, “Does anyone know whose dog this is?”
Within minutes, the monkey committee has enough photographs to assess every patio in the district. Nobody even submitted an invoice.
Across at Tank’D Water Solutions, the water investigators are following the melting evidence. Their prime suspect has reportedly gone down the drain. That part of the imaginary investigation remains fluid.
Back in the real world
We cannot negotiate with the weather committee. We can help you plan a timber deck, pergola, balustrade or other outdoor timber project in Durban and the Upper Highway.
If the storm has prompted a rethink of your outdoor space, send Garrick a WhatsApp with your suburb and a few photographs taken when it is safe. We’ll discuss the project with you. No clipboard-carrying monkey will be sent to quote.
What was the funniest moment at your home during the storm? The family commentary, a pet’s reaction, or something in the neighbourhood chat? Tell us on The Wood Joint’s Facebook page.
Stay alert, Upper Highway. And stop feeding the technicians.
Operation Upper Hailway is a fictional humour series from The Wood Joint and Tank’D Water Solutions. The accompanying cartoon is AI-generated.